Musings of an overthinker and Forgetful being!!!!!

I was never a topper in my class. An average student in a convent school.  Someone who cried if the teacher shouted at her and always believed in the chapters of moral science. If anything mattered to me , it was my Mom. My mom would pat my back if I won a medal in athletics or got a good in my test. Today when I look back I think how I have been trying to fit into the matrix of being the best daughter, best friend and never actually explored what if I was not anyone of this. With mom gone I often struggle what my actual identity is. Few days back a graduation friend of mine said " Monica , you are among the most successful people of our batch". I was taken aback (not in a happy way). Cause I am not happy and doing my job (got it of course after lots of hard work).  A question has been haunting me since then. "Is being successful in professional life actually criteria to having a fulfilling life" If I am not wrong most of people call these feelings of mine "mi...

 It's been long since I penned down anything.... But today, its important to write not for anyone else but me. Lost so many things in this duration of 5 years that I no more identify myself as the same person I used to be. Perspective toward things and life changed like a new season. But I don't know this season of life. I am scared to take another step, I am alien to how to start living my life, It's like I am reborn again looking at the world with a new lens. what was supposed to be a period of clarity is the most confusing time of my life. It won't be contradicting to say that I understand the deeper meaning of things and has understood the importance of small things that I often ignored. But I feel, at what cost. Loosing my mother to Covid has taken away everything from me. I no more feel sense in pursuits of life that made meaning to me a year back. I am looking for that safe haven again.  Not hopeful but waiting for time to show what new it has stored for me.