I am my "Feelings"

 

Writing is of essence to every emotion we feel, how difficult it may be to process something, it always has a way to sink in through unspoken words.
All of our life, we underestimate ourselves that we cannot take pain, even a sight of someone hurting, pokes a deep pain in your heart. But when life throws unexpected issues or sadness towards us, we as nature's creation, take it on and do it full justice. 

However, then, there are people like me who never truly feel the emotion at the moment and try be the strongest in the room and eventually pass the time with a numb tingling at the back of the mind. For those moments, I am my own made up version of Superwoman who has seen it all and can bear it all. Then strikes a wave, with strong currents of remorse, anger, guilt and other unspoken emotions that haunt my being in the moments of solitude. 
I often feel, is it a superpower or a curse that I roll in these waves with no control of the depths those emotions take me into. In those moments of solitude, my biggest enemy is me, my so called strong mind who was just patting me at my back for being practical and brave few moments/days back. 
If you ask me, what really helps in those moments is the simple yet daunting solution which every swimmer is taught while trying to swim against the sea waves.

 
"Don't fight the waves, flow with/in it and swim through".

I surrender to the feelings before they do any damage to people close to me. Feelings unaddressed are not signs of bravery, they need to be faced and conquered irrespective of how much time you need to be yourself again. Its one of the most painful things a person can go through but then rather than drowning, I chose to surf on/in the waves. 
Also, readers, It took me more than 10 years to understand this simple and basic fact.

"You are your emotions, embrace them, don't ignore them to be ideal version of what others expect of you".

Trust me, I am no expert still every day I am struggling with concerns I have not addressed in my life. But I have made sure to be greatful for people in my life and surrounded myself with positive folks including my life partner who by the way keeps me grounded also by actually telling me how to navigate through difficult emotions.
Hope you get your set of folks who help you when you need the most and the waves hit you out of nowhere. And if you are still waiting on one, trust you have angels watching over and somewhere you matter.
blessings!!
x