Musings of an overthinker and Forgetful being!!!!!

 Death, one word which halts our fast pacing life for a long second and makes us question "what we are doing with our life". Amongst all the things that a human wants to do in their life and talk about, is to reminiscence about their personal loss. Death is a silence which not only happens when someone dies, but also the day we die. Everyday our wishes, our thoughts, our confidence and our spirit to be a child dies.  So many people in this wide world are already dead. They are just waiting for their breath to stop and their mind to go on mute. To run away from being identified as dead most people do things that make them so exhausted that they have no time to mourn of their own death.

We have been conditioned as people who have always looked upto our parents whenever we have come across a decision or situation that's alien to us. Today ,while writing this I didn't plan on writing it but it's a kind of heaviness in my heart which feels so burdening which has made me write this heavy post. I have been from time and time taught by life that things will not go as planned. I like a stubborn child get impatient for some time,then a 30 age bracket clock strikes my mind and I am again a matured lady. I miss you mom at days like this when life's too busy and enjoying in teaching me how I have to patiently wait in queue for what I deserve cause it will happen at its own time. I miss you on days when I just want to give up and you would ask me "how about a cup of tea" and just like that after that cup of tea I would feel better. I mis you on days mom when I feel I am going to spend my life alone and you say to me ,"you don't worry...

I was never a topper in my class. An average student in a convent school.  Someone who cried if the teacher shouted at her and always believed in the chapters of moral science. If anything mattered to me , it was my Mom. My mom would pat my back if I won a medal in athletics or got a good in my test. Today when I look back I think how I have been trying to fit into the matrix of being the best daughter, best friend and never actually explored what if I was not anyone of this. With mom gone I often struggle what my actual identity is. Few days back a graduation friend of mine said " Monica , you are among the most successful people of our batch". I was taken aback (not in a happy way). Cause I am not happy and doing my job (got it of course after lots of hard work).  A question has been haunting me since then. "Is being successful in professional life actually criteria to having a fulfilling life" If I am not wrong most of people call these feelings of mine "mi...

 It's been long since I penned down anything.... But today, its important to write not for anyone else but me. Lost so many things in this duration of 5 years that I no more identify myself as the same person I used to be. Perspective toward things and life changed like a new season. But I don't know this season of life. I am scared to take another step, I am alien to how to start living my life, It's like I am reborn again looking at the world with a new lens. what was supposed to be a period of clarity is the most confusing time of my life. It won't be contradicting to say that I understand the deeper meaning of things and has understood the importance of small things that I often ignored. But I feel, at what cost. Loosing my mother to Covid has taken away everything from me. I no more feel sense in pursuits of life that made meaning to me a year back. I am looking for that safe haven again.  Not hopeful but waiting for time to show what new it has stored for me.

Today I completed reading the very famous book by a very renowned writer, Khaled Hosseini. He is not the one who wrote to be a best seller, but he wrote selfishly for himself. The name of the book is"A Thousand Splendid Suns". After I finished reading the book, the very first thought that came to my mind was                                         "It opened the closed doors"  I felt a very deep lingering pain that I had subsumed inside a part of my heart years ago.  Violence against women, when they were treated as animals, only used for having sex and bearing babies especially boys.We have come so far.  But while reading the novel, my heart cried for the pain and struggle women have been through even after India got freedom and the constitution came into being on 26th January 1950 (even though as per writer it was all happening in Afghanistan). Th...

She was like a wind That many tried to capture her in a jar But no one actually owned her There was something wrong about her  that attracted men of good nature.... So many times in life, we run after certain things that seem fit for us whether in terms of friendships, relationship or our future decisions.  But have we stopped and thought what are those standards that we use to decide upon what is right or wrong for us. Being loved by someone and loving them back is one important decision that we make in life but then when we set our standards straight why do we have failed relationships.  Now, you would say things such as love fades, too many expectations and wrong perception of the person we fall in love with. But do you really think love is small enough to be shaken by such reasons. Why do we look at other person to feel completed or make them the soul source of our happiness? Why not find happiness within self and give abundant o...

Here comes 2017, the year filled with lots of hope, happiness, an endless wait to find someone you can be passionate for and in the way finding yourself. Readers, resolutions, you are very well aware of this word. A word, that represents a promise to self to do things the right way. But wait for a second, for how long we are able to follow those promises that we make to ourselves. And do you really think there is any such thing needed that we need to bind ourselves with to follow a better life. With all my good and bad experience in life, I have learned until and unless a person doesn’t feel passionate about a cause or a feeling, no one can force them to. There she was standing by the window, Waiting for the rain to stop Her fear of getting wet Getting judged by strangers Never let her truly enjoy the feeling of being free. All we need is to make a promise to self to live truly and freely with compassion. Making resolutions and binding ourselves with chains...